What is a ‘normal’ amount of sex for couples to have per week?
DRUMROLL FOR COUPLES – There is no such thing as “normal,” especially when it comes to sex, it’s all relative and subjective… What’s normal, comfortable and acceptable for me can be completely different than what’s normal, comfortable and acceptable to you.
Every person and every relationship is unique and different, so what really matters is the preferences of each partner…
The idea of a “normal” or standard number of times for couples to have sex per day, week, or month can create tension, pressure and unrealistic expectations… Helpful for couples to have an open discussion about potential expectations that have been established within the relationship, and explore how those expectations have effected the relationship so far.
What is Sex and Intimacy Anyway?
- Intimacy is more than sex, and sex is more than intercourse. Intimacy involves all of the ways we share a deep and meaningful connection with our partner. There are several different types of intimacy – spiritual, intellectual, emotional, recreational, physical and sexual.
- If we can take a step back and broaden our perspective just a little bit, we can experience intimacy in countless ways throughout our day (i.e. whisper in ear, kiss on neck, a little tap on the bum, cute remarks, cuddling/spooning… PLAY! Often overlooked and so important to let down guard and lighten the mood.)
- What’s important is the effort made to connect, not necessarily what the outcome is. When there’s too much focus on the outcome, lose sight of present experience… Pressure and obligation often ruin the mood.
- We must get comfortable talking about sex with partner – Communicating preferences (likes, dislikes, wants, needs, fantasies, etc), and actively incorporate these insights into sexual experience to increase pleasure… Examples: “I love when you/we do this; I don’t really like when this happens; I wish we couple try this sometime…”
- “Maintenance Sex” – Willing to engage in sexual activities even if not necessarily in the mood. Helpful to shift perspective from “I have to have sex with my spouse” to “I get to have a fun, pleasurable connection with my partner”… Open to pleasure rather than cutting off sexual self. (Sometime, if you don’t use it, you lose it… the more you open yourself up to a good time, the more good times you’ll have!)
- Incorporate it into the routine – “Spontaneous” sex is often an unrealistic expectation if sex is not already happening regularly. Like we talked about last week, if intimacy is not a priority in the relationship, it is often lost. The idea of “scheduling” sex seems very “unsexy,” but in reality it opens the space for opportunity and creativity. Creates a freedom to initiate without the fear of rejection and being turned down. Again, take turns initiating and planning intimate dates – takes the pressure off (pressure kills the erotic).
If you have additional questions or would like to learn more from our Sex Therapist, Rachel, check out: https://www.infiniteintimacytherapy.com or email her directly at Rachel@InfiniteIntimacyTherapy.com.
We fully recognize that every couple is unique and our segments are designed as an overview for moms to discover and discuss, not intended as medical advice in anyway.
We look forward to coming to you LIVE every Tuesday at Noon with more strategies to help you and your significant other create a happy, loving, lasting relationship LONG after your kids have grown up and left you as empty nesters:) Check out our LIVE Show HERE!
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