The Art of Mom Dating and Finding Great Mom Friends
When you head to your first mommy and me class with your little baby you know the moms are scoping out your diaper bag, trying to see if you are a new mom or a veteran mom, asking about if your baby is sleeping through the night, inquiring if your little one is sitting up, and then contemplating if you might be a good match! It’s like dating all over again except this time you are going on dates with the hope of finding good playdates for your kid!
Then you hit preschool and it starts all over this time, except that it is like speed dating. You are passing by moms in the hallways as they hustle kids to their classrooms, toting lunch boxes and art projects all while trying not to look frazzled! We call it speed friending- saying hello, being friendly, while running out the door to work, or the gym or to take care of another kid.
If you are one of the lucky moms and have a long time built in network of hometown girlfriends bravo!
If you are like me, 3,000 miles away from all of my long time friends, this one is for you!
HOW DO WE BRING GREAT MOM FRIENDS INTO OUR LIVES?
1. Take a look in the mirror! Are you the type of friend you would want to be around? Smile, relax, get dressed, drink a cup of coffee before you go! Prime yourself to be OPEN to meeting new moms and being happy with YOURSELF!
2. Give it time to mature. I like the 3 date rule as I remember being really disappointed when moms would cancel, but stuff happens! Sometimes you have to give them another chance! Relationships take time to nurture…especially when we have a baby depending on us!
3. Realize that things change as time goes on with your kids and you add kids! I have met LITERALLY the nicest women at mommy and me and then as our kids went to preschool it just got too hard. We still respect and message each other but when it comes to kids birthdays and getting the kids together it is too hard. Then as I continued to add another kid and another kid…guess what? I RAN OUT OF TIME! So sometimes I just have to focus on the friendships that are EASY!
4. Take a little break from the crowd, remove your attention from the less than great qualities of people, give yourself some time to gain control of your focus and what you LOVE about people. When you focus on the qualities in friends you DO WANT, watch those type of friends flow into your life!
HOW DO WE FIND COMMON GROUND AROUND DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLES?
Diversity and flexibility are some of the greatest gifts we can give our kids. It’s the equivalent of speaking multiple languages. Instead of your kid being fluent in Spanish, Chinese or Portuguese they become masters of their emotional IQ. So do not worry so much about common ground but let yourself gravitate towards the people you feel a pull towards. And let your kids do the same. As often as you can. As for the differences, let the kids figure out how to interact with different people. I already started the conversation with my 5 yr old that every family can have things they do differently and maybe some things are similar. Just like we have individual preferences, every person is different, every family is different. (I can give you 2 examples of how this conversation went????) When the kids are little we get to pick the play dates as they get older I try and respect his choices of who his friends are and who he wants to see. One day we had 3 bday parties. All at the same time. I told him about all 3 and he picked the one with his close friend.
STRATEGIES TO MAKE TIME FOR FRIENDS
Put it on the calendar!!!! The universe supports things we put on paper!!!!! SCHEDULE IT! But it’s not just going out to go out. It’s going out with people that you can have meaningful, delicious conversations with, that you laugh, have fun, and trust. Whether you are staying in and watching a movie with wine and cheese or your guys are going to see Cirque Du Soleil, text leading up to the event about how excited you are and how much fun you are gonna have. Build the momentum. And clear the path. Set up the babysitter, dad, pre-pave so that you are free to disconnect and have fun!!!! You having fun will massively impact your families well being. So for the sake of your family: HAVE FUN LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!!!❤️????
We both discovered VOLUNTEERING with fellow moms is a great way to unite with like minded moms! Doing something good in the world allows us to focus on something bigger than our selves and to build a greater bond together!
Therefore from this episode of Ask The Family Experts with our ihelpmoms.com Family Therapist we discovered the bottom line is our relationships with fellow females enrich our lives and provide profound connection in our lives, so YES mom dating matters!