“As a parent all I want is to be the best representation of a human being for my children. Yet at times it’s not always feeling like I’m hit the mark”. Many of the parents who come in my office say this over and over. The self-doubt is at an all-time high and the shamming begins to creep in to the mindset of the parents.
As a Mom Coach, I first consider the age of her children. Then we look into some patterns and go over some parenting tools for mom. Through these exercises we were able to uncover mom has some difficulty with expressing her frustrations. As her frustration builds up mom begins to scream, which in turn is showing her children the same actions she has worked hard to change; disrespect and distrust.
Children are constantly learning from their parents. So the more they see mom being respectful, they too will emulate these actions. However the more mom yells and shouts the more they respond in the same matter, all these behaviors are transferable. It was important to coach mom on ways to have healthy communication with her children. As she began to make changes she was able to see. The more she showed respect, the more her kids gave respect. The more she showed disrespect, the more they were disrespect.
It was important to coach mom on the importance of positive reinforcements and healthy boundaries. However these steps where not just for mom to teach but for mom to also follow. Teaching respect takes time and patience. However many parents feel they do not have enough of either. So this is a simple steps to creating a respectful environment for you and your children.
- Model: If you want your kids to do it; they must first see you do it!
- Teach: Give your child the tools needed to show you respect. When you provide them with the correct tools you raise the expectations towards success.
- Praise: As your children model your respectful behaviors and language, compliment them on the positive, respectful decisions and actions they exhibit.
- Correct: If you still see some disrespectful behaviors maintain a firm direct teaching approach. While maintaining a respectful correcting standpoint. Pick times when you see positive behaviors from another child to reinforce the importance of respectful behaviors.
- Reinforce: Remind your child they are a good kid. Let them see you remember when they do something good and when you make good decisions you are seen in that same light.
- Reward: Healthy respectful behaviors are what parents want to see from their child. These behaviors are something parents want to see their children do naturally. However it is good to connect a positive action with a positive feeling. This can be done through reward. By using intangible rewards like privileges, praise, and recognition you are reinforcing the positive behavior.
Through coaching I was able to assist my client with changing her behaviors, which in turn her child reflected. As a parent myself, these are tools I utilize with my children. It’s important to make an internal check on your actions and behaviors. What we have internally will present themselves externally. Work on maintaining a peaceful mindset and an honest open mindset for change.
Gail Wilson, MS, featured on ihelpmoms.com
Registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern
MGS Counseling and Therapy Services, LLC
Tel. (754) 999-0410