Stop Your Kids From Whining, Tantrums and Repeatedly Asking For Something!
How To Give Your Kids A Voice And A Choice!
So the other night I was in my daughter’s room and she was delaying her pajamas, wanting water and just dragging her feet. As she delayed I took away one book…then another. While I on the other hand wanted to GO TO BED. I was beat and had no energy to navigate this. I NEEDED TO HALT: It’s a bad idea to try to be a great mom, wife, friend, if you are
So I headed to our ihelpmoms.com family therapist Marcela to discuss how to figure out what are kids REALLY need and how we can most efficiently and effectively navigate this.
STOP & LISTEN:
Our relationships needs to have the highest priority status in our pyramid of things to do. If someone is hurting or asking for help, stop and address it. Most of the time the other person will tell you what they need. It’s also fair to let the other person know what you need. The good news is kids are an easy audience to please, a little silly goes a long way! Pay attention to his feelings, also tell them what you need! Don’t underestimate their ability to communicate and understand your feelings too.
**Make sure that YOU are taking care of yourself so you are not running on empty when your kids get home from school or at bedtime. Eat, get a snack, drink water- do what you have to do to have maximal energy during these key times. (see our Thursday January LIVE Show with @AKA_supermom on self care!)
THE ART OF DISTRACTION:
Hey is that a shinny object?!?!! Don’t get locked in a power struggle, find a better way to disarm the bomb! Re-route! Children have a tendency to persevere, so they will beat you 9.9 times out of 10 when it comes to whining or complaining about what they want. I use a distract and come back strategy. I distract to shift the energy and momentum but always come back to what they were asking for with a different solution. So when I asked about Splat I was getting us out of the parent-child arguing cul-de-sac and onto a more productive avenue. He knew we were still going to his dad’s house but he was now thinking about Splat getting a tour instead of me having to move in to his Dad’s house. Now this will sometimes get you out of an argument with your child but it doesn’t replace the fact that they are processing information at their own pace. They will keep on asking questions and expressing their preferences and you as the parent will keep the conversation going. Our conversations play a really important role in how they understand the world.
WHEN YOU NEED A NEW PLAN:
LIFE IS CRAZY at night time. So busy, so stressful. Can we talk about this strategy to create a fun way to get organized?
Family Meeting! So you’ve identified that the old plan is not going to cut it, you’ve gotten yourself out of an unproductive power struggle with your loved one and now from a place of non- resistance you can share your new plan. I would never state the new plan from a place of chaos because that might teach your family that when they act crazy they get what they want. I would talk about how we could change the plan, let them know that you are being flexible because you care about their feelings. But there are things you still have to do for yourself. It’s not about giving in, but finding a happier medium and creating opportunities for your kids to actively have a voice and a choice!
Focus on the good things every chance you get! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! ihelpmoms.com is here every Monday and Thursday at NOON bringing you THE HONEST MOMS show where we interview the top family experts to Make Motherhood Easier!
Thanks for joining us today!
THE HONEST MOMS,
Michelle and Marcela