Pregnancy and Eating Disorders
It’s no secret about my issues with my physical appearance. I have been open about my recovery with bulimia….and other forms of an eating disorder. It doesn’t really ever go away…..I won’t ever be fully recovered. With life’s ups and downs are when you find your “triggers” or what makes your inner demons appear.
Pregnancy is a beautiful and exciting thing….but for me….my changing and growing body….is well, scary. I don’t like that feeling of being “hungry”…..but yet I know that my little baby inside me needs it. Looking in the mirror is also a trigger for me……watching my hips grow….my legs get bigger…..it’s all frightening and I would be lying if I said I was ok with it.
When you have an eating disorder it never really goes away….but you slowly learn your triggers and what sets you off. Recovery for me is knowing I can point these things out and being able to avoid them. If wearing leggings everyday helps me be less afraid of my tight jeans….well I am going to wear them. If avoiding the mirror helps me to be less afraid of my changing body….then avoiding mirrors it is.
So if I disappear for a little bit and take less pictures….I apologize….. but for me…..I have to do that…..I am just trying to make a healthy baby while fighting these inner demons I have. ??