Is it possible to have a happy marriage WITH kids?
I seriously married the man of my dreams. Blond hair, blue eyes, Doctor, Cross Fit crazy love of my life.
We had a glorious first pregnancy glowing with goals, dreams and of course thinking we knew it all.
Then our first little girl came and we found ourselves arguing about sleep training at 4 in the morning, falling into bed exhausted, I didn’t want to ever leave our baby, I battled postpartum depression and our happy, sexy, fun marriage became a vision in the rear view mirror.
Then our second daughter came and thanks to my ihelpmoms.com support system of doulas, midwives, pediatricians, lactation consultants, night nurses and mental health therapists, the second time was MUCH easier. We actively communicated that if the baby cried, it needed food, diapers or to go to sleep. We literally had to remind each other of these simple things in our exhausted state but it made for a better transition as our family grew!
However as your family grows you know what else grows….Your need for more money, your need for more food, more supplies are necessary, more of everything is demanded from you and your husband to provide mentally, physically and emotionally for your family.
My husband went into provider mode working endlessly, and I battled back into the work force, we again found ourselves facing the question as a couple…how do we find happiness in the face of all of these needs and wants from our little ones let alone finding time for our marriage??
I turned to Family Therapists Marcela Topf to learn the keys to having a happy marriage as your family grows.
1. Before the baby comes: Make sure to discuss Faith, Money, Parenting Values, Wanting to be a Stay At Home Mom versus Working Mom, Division of Household Responsibilities.
2. An extended support system is ESSENTIAL! Learning to trust others with your kids can really free up time for you and your spouse to get the time you need to remember and celebrate why you are together.
3. Be realistic about WHO will help you BOTH meet your needs. Who takes night feedings, who is responsible for meals, lunch preparation, laundry, school drop offs…ask yourself the important question of DO YOU NEED OUTSIDE HELP? No need to be supermom. Trust me I tried and when I realized I needed help my life got really happy:)
4. Marriage and Relationships TAKE WORK. Don’t fool yourself with the Facebook pictures of happy, smiling families. We are real here at ihelpmoms.com. I am a huge fan of reading the 5 love languages and assessing every 6 months by asking your spouse what their top 3 needs are. Honestly, mine are simple to make my husband happy, FOOD, FITNESS and you can guess the last F;) Men are not that complex!
5. Romance, Sex and Intimacy DOES matter. Men are biologically programmed to need sex and if they can’t get it from you…don’t be surprised when they find it elsewhere. Get your kids sleeping so you and your honey can find some quality time each day. Date nights every week or at least every month are imperative to devoting time to one another talking about things OTHER THAN KIDS. To help you find your sexy, ask your mate what he finds sexy about you…you might be surprised:) For most guys it’s the little things like your hair, your body, your features, that as moms we have forgotten about.
You know one day your kiddos will be all grown up and you don’t want to be that couple sitting silent at a table because you have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. Learn to communicate NOW so your relationship spark continues to be bright even with kids. Your kiddos are watching and we all know letting them see a healthy, loving relationship will set a great example for their future life!
Here at ihelpmoms.com we love talking about the subjects most moms avoid as we find they are usually THE MOST IMPORTANT!
Hope these 5 tips to a Happy Marriage WITH Kids helps Make Motherhood Easier,