Why Does Motherhood Make Us Defensive?

Why Does Motherhood Make Us Defensive?

Defensive Adjustments

Went in for my chiropractic adjustment this morning since this baby I am carrying is sitting on my sciatic nerve and had the oddest incident occur. Someone asked me if I had other kids already and I answered yes an almost 4 and a 2 year old and I explained they were in school.

2016-09-24-13-57-51His eyebrows shot up to the ceiling as he said, “What? I have never heard of a two year old going to school. Instantly my mom shackles went up in defense. I began to explain the litany of reasons:
  • I work
  • I wanted her to socialize more
  • I wanted her to learn to share
  • I loved her little church school
Then he said, “I just can’t believe you would put a two year old in school.” Now I could feel the heat rising in the back of my neck. Good thing I was already scheduled for an adjustment as I was going to need one after this stress!
I took a deep breath and just smiled replied simply, “She is happy.” And then I got up to give myself some space. I was used to feeling judged from other moms about my birth decisions, my breastfeeding, my formula feeding, etc… But I wondered how an absolute stranger could make me feel so inadequate as a mother.
Then I realized you only get defensive if you are feeling insecure.  No one can MAKE you feel a certain way.  Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you handle it.
I realized that YES there are times when I am working and feel like maybe I should be at a mommy and me with her. But the truth is, she is happy, I am happy, I love working and when I am present as a mom I am 100% present as a mom. One of my favorite mom coaches told me something I will never forget.  When you feel yourself targeted and become defensive, take a step back to reflect on WHY you are feeling that way.
Rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and realize that it’s your baby, your choice and take the opportunity to check in with your mom intuition if you are in fact doing exactly what you want to do.

Choose Happiness

You will either make a change in your choice or become more confident in your choice – thus the defensiveness will melt away and you will just have GROWN in your journey of motherhood.
gp8a2314I am glad this fellow targeted me as it allowed me to reflect on my priorities, my kids and to solidify that we are all happy, healthy and good:)
If you come across a situation that you are having some doubt, hurt feelings, lingering questions, make sure to contact one of our amazing ihelpmoms.com mom coaches and therapists.
THEY ARE AMAZING resources to help make motherhood easier,
Cheers to loving, learning and growing
Michelle
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