How Can I Get My Child To Behave Better?
I hear moms all the time complaining to other moms about their kids behavior. Did you know that there are experts that can actually help you and your child to create and implement better behavior? Talking with other moms is great, but it doesn’t often change the result in helping YOUR child behave better.
I have a two year old daughter and a 7 month old. Juggling the two of them often is one of the most challenging things ever. The 6 pm hour in our house seems to be like trains colliding...I am trying to get dinner ready, bathe the kids, feed the baby and I often feel like I don’t have time to properly discipline my two year old when she dumps her dinner on the floor or some other annoying toddler mishap like peeing on the floor. I want to be consistent her discipline and figure out a better way to make my household peaceful.
So in my mommy angst I turned to renowned family therapist Dr. Lauren Goldstein on how I can create a POSITIVE, REWARD system for my daughter to focus on the good, not the negative behaviors.
“YES! I am a big proponent of reward charts. While they may not be effective for all kids, they can be an effective way of teaching and disciplining. Some children are born Intrinsically motivated — congratulations to the moms of those kids! Many children develop intrinsic motivation over time as they learn the value of doing good. But some kids always need that little external motivator, and there is nothing wrong with that! Parents always ask me about this because they want their kids to behave, make their beds, eat their veggies, poop on the potty, study for tests, etc. because it is what they need to do and they don’t believe in bribing. I have two responses to this:
1) bribing is when you say to your child, “I’ll give you this sticker, then you go brush your teeth.” Then, you give the sticker and HOPE your child follows through on her end of the bargain. Reward charts offer incentives, not bribes. You do what I want, and then I’ll reward you with something in return.
2) would you go to work everyday and work your butt off, stressing about deadlines, and missing time with your family if you weren’t getting a paycheck at the end of the week/month? Your paycheck is your incentive to do good work, sometimes work that is hard, boring, and in the way of your “fun time,” but you do it knowing that your reward is coming. If you don’t want to work without getting a reward, why do we expect our kids to?
Positive reinforcement is always a good thing in
Dr. Lauren Goldstein’s professional opinion and ihelpmoms.com agrees!