Am I Crazy To Cry On My Daughters Birthday?
My daughter turns 1 today. I watched her birth video today and I am so very grateful for our beautiful Hypnobirth that was so peaceful and so easy. Her entry into the world was a dream come true for me. When I watch our birth video, I wonder why the world doesn’t give mothers an entire MONTH of celebrating instead of just Mothers Day! The innate strength and beauty of females is simply miraculous! Even as I write this I am crying. I feel such an overwhelming gratitude for being her mommy.
Her birthday literally has me in an emotional tug of war. I am at a juncture pondering the question of is she my last baby?
I look at her adorable little body crawling all over the floor and I wonder why I ever stressed out about my first daughter not walking early. What is the rush!? I LOVE every moment watching my sweet infant discover the wonders of the world.
If I were in my 20’s it wouldn’t be a big deal to see my little girl turn 1. I would know that in a few years I could have another one no biggie. But for me, that is not the case.
If we had unlimited funds to give our girls the best education, the best opportunities, I wouldn’t feel sad. But I know if I had a third that we would be spread thin in time and money.
Grocery shopping is finally easy again, they are both sleeping through the night, both girls are eating solids and traveling is completely doable. The logical part of me wonders why I would want to rock the boat by going through the baby stage again.
Being a mommy business owner is also a huge consideration with the child care costs that would increase drastically with a third baby. I wish I were superwoman and could magically be a great entrepreneur and mommy and wife and chef and laundry mat and chauffeur….but as my toddler wets her pants on the floor in Target I am quickly reminded I am NOT superwoman! (I had asked her 3 times before if she needed to go GRRRR!!!!) Kids have such a natural way of humbling mommies!
I get choked up seeing women pregnant and holding their little babes as I think about Jasmine being our last baby. I wasn’t the happiest pregnant lady and sleep deprivation and I don’t get along…but now that I am facing that this might be my last baby, I realize It is truly such an honor to get to nurture and birth a baby.
I am in a battle with my biological clock, a tug of war trying not to spread myself too thin, and keeping some balance in my life between work, family and couples time.
I may be the only mom to feel these conflicting emotions as a baby transitions into a toddler, but I think it is important to connect with these feelings so I don’t have any regrets. I don’t know what the future holds, but I DO know that today brings with it a cuddly one year old and a lovable toddler both of whom call me mom. Today is a day for celebrating and walking by faith that whatever the future brings it will be full of an abundance of love and laughter with my family. And that is a future that sounds good to me.
If you are an imperfect mom like me and could use someone to talk to make sure to connect with our MOM COACHES on ihelpmoms.com. These family therapy experts are here to help us not just survive motherhood but to THRIVE!