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Single Moms who overfunction attract Peter Pan

Lisa Hawkins | Aug 14, 2023


Embracing the Chaos of Self-Discovery, and Finding Love

I've had quite the journey being a mom and dating at different times in my life. It’s been a whirlwind of being a mom while trying to find my own path in the world of dating. It's been a crazy adventure, filled with unexpected twists and turns, but each partner I've met along the way has been a piece of the puzzle that's helped me grow. One that is vulnerable, doesn’t have life figured out and has boundaries. One that has a huge heart and knows that not everyone gets to be close to that heart. I can vet much better, see the red flags sooner, and learned to love myself far more than I ever imagined. My daughters have seen an empowered woman emerge. I don’t have it all figured out, and that’s ok. 

The Balancing Act of Love and Parenthood

As a single mom, I was trying to be a superhero, Wonder Woman, for her kids while also attempting to have romance and partnership. It's been a juggling act and a tightrope walk at the same time. However, every partner brought their own unique lesson, pushing me further up the road of personal growth. It’s led me to a career and a deeper inner peace. 

But let's be real, finding the balance between mom duties, self-improvement, and seeking a compatible partner can be daunting. 

No Fairytales for me. I learned to be realistic that Wonder Woman wasn’t going to get Superman. 

Wonder Woman got Peter Pan!

We've all heard the advice about healing yourself before finding "the one." For me, personal growth happened in the midst of relationships. I’d take 5 yrs off and grow and then think I’d grown enough only to get back out there and find Peter Pan again. The partnerships became a mirror, reflecting my own inner work back at me. It's been messy, but it's been real.

Lessons in Compatibility were at times hard to swallow

Now, let's talk about the Peter Pan syndrome – attracting partners who never quite grew up emotionally. You know the type, right? At first, I couldn't figure out why I kept drawing them in. It finally hit me like a ton of bricks – I was unintentionally broadcasting my own Wonder Woman image. I was that mom who could handle it all – career, motherhood, and looking fabulous while doing it. But here's the kicker – I was doing too much.

Wonder Woman is now Wonderfully Flawed

I thought I was kicking it juggling all this. I was tackling everything, and I mean everything, head-on. But guess what? It was exhausting. Somewhere between trying to be a rockstar mom and dating, I lost sight of myself. I ended up physically ill from burning the candle at both ends. The turning point was acknowledging that I was allowed to feel tired and that it was okay not to have it all together. It was okay to be...well, a mess sometimes. It was ok to not have it all figured out.

Walking the Talk: Aligning my Desires with my Actions

I was manifesting one thing but doing another. I dreamt of a partner who'd be my teammate, yet my actions didn't quite match. That's when it hit me – I needed to bridge the gap between what I wanted and how I acted. Easier said than done, right?

Vulnerability was the Key 

Somewhere between the exhaustion and the realization, I stumbled upon the power of vulnerability. It's like a magic spell that draws in the right kind of partners. I discovered that it's perfectly fine not to have everything figured out, to show the messy side of life. In fact, it's in those moments that you're most authentically you.

Rewriting my Script, I had to redefine strength

Here's the deal – our society paints this picture of women doing it all. But I've learned that true strength lies in accepting vulnerability and being open about our needs. It's not about being Wonder Woman; it's about embracing our humanness and seeking inner peace and contentment. Even if that is single. 

The moms who are navigating the maze of motherhood and dating, one crazy adventure at a time. I understand.  It's been messy at times, challenging, and sometimes downright chaotic. But through it all, we're learning, growing, and rewriting the rules for our children.

Showing our kids how to grow, how to have boundaries, and how to wait until the right partner shows up. It’s not about appearing to have it all figured out, it's about finding someone who'll stand by us as we embrace the chaos and create our own unique love story.

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