Angela Tuck | Mar 15, 2023
I went to Walgreens to pick up a FedEx package that was undeliverable to my home. It was twelve bottles of red wine that could not be left unattended at my gate and demanded a signature. I grabbed a cart as I walked in the entrance of the store. I knew the box would be heavy and I wanted to make the pickup as easy as possible. As soon as I walked up to the desk, I noticed my box. The box looked intimidating. It was large, dusty, and beat up. I noticed a hole had been unintentionally punched through the side and worried a bottle had been broken. A clerk came over to help me. She was much older than I and I was sure that I would not let her pick the box up off the floor to put on top of my cart. She also sized up the box and knew she shouldn’t pick it up. She was assertive, which I admired, and planned out how the box traveling would go without me being involved. The whole time this was going on, I knew how heavy the box was and even said to her that the box was only forty-five pounds and that I was sure I could manage on my own. She insisted on. I knew what was happening here. The clerk had a belief that the box was too heavy for us to pick up and take to the car. Even after my attempts to introduce my belief that I was capable of moving a heavy box by myself to my car she stuck to her belief and enlisted help of a male co-worker who lifted the box and sat it on my cart. She insisted that he help me to my car to load the box into my car. I knew this was too much effort, but by now I wasn’t sure whose beliefs I subscribed to. Mine or hers? A belief is a thought you keep on thinking therefore, optional and can be changed. The box was loaded into the back of my mini van with ease from the male co-worker and I was on my way. When I got home I just had to check out the weight of the box. I put my hands in the holes provided for lifting and lifted the box up to my chest. It was manageable, doable, possible. I believed it all along, or did I?
This is an example of belief systems, a guide that drives our lives and there’s a fine line between the truth and beliefs. The truth is I could pick up the box. The truth is the clerk could not pick up the box. Her truth was not my truth. Her belief was not my belief. So, in the middle of a belief standoff I allowed her to be wrong about me and temporarily subscribed to her belief with no harm done. The problem comes when we don’t recognize that beliefs are thoughts, therefore optional, and can be changed.
Beliefs can be imposed on someone who is unsuspecting of an invasion of truth or lie. Therefore, to place a thought in one’s head could be deceiving. Allow me to break it down for you. Imposing a belief is placing a deceptive thought in one’s head. It’s a lie that you are lured into until you adopt the belief yourself. A belief is not the truth. It’s not a fact. The fact is a belief is a thought and optional.
As an estrangement and reconciliation coach, I see many differences between family ties begin at beliefs. In relationships a manual or set of beliefs is used to control someone so that we can feel better. To place a belief in someone so that we can feel better is a lie we tell ourselves and drives a wedge between two people in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, beliefs are powerful and useful. However, it’s important to know that beliefs are personal, unique, and specific to oneself. It’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about believing in your beliefs and giving space for someone to belief in theirs.
With that being said, I want you to look at your belief systems. How personal are they to you? How unique do they make you? How many of those beliefs come with manuals you impose on others so that individuals make you feel comfortable? Uncover your truth in your beLIEfs.
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