Still a Mother, through Love & Loss
Patty Castellanos | Oct 19, 2022
You dreamed of him, you hoped for her, you protected him, you loved her, you did everything that you were supposed to do, until one day, your heart shattered into a million pieces. You never expected it. You heard stories, but you never thought it would become your story. It feels so lonely; so isolating. You are 1 in 4. However you experienced loss, mama, you are not alone. This month, we honor you and remember the babies you hold in your heart. The mothers and families who have experienced loss due to any reason in pregnancy or infancy. Being aware of the reality of pregnancy and infant loss helps us hold space for the mothers and families who have experienced miscarriage, embryo loss, ectopic pregnancy, late term loss, stillbirth, SIDS, infant loss, among other devastating loss. The hearts that become one, the many emotions known and unknown that you experience, all stemming from incredible love and loss.
The process of grief in loss is such a personal process. It is not linear. Some will turn a chapter on their story and decide to begin anew. Some will hit pause on motherhood, feeling the pain and hurt too deeply to think, feel or go about daily life. Others will feel grief in cycles, in waves that move in and out. You may choose to go back to your daily routine, work and life, feeling ok with your decision to continue with the experiences you knew well and when you least expect it, a song, a thought, a smell sends a wave of sadness and grief. Carrying and moving through life after loss looks different for every person. In fact, a mother may experience grief vastly differently than a father, partner and other family members. This is ok, this is a normal process couples and families go through as they learn to navigate love and loss. How you experience grief, carry it and decide to move through it is exactly what you need to be ok.
Whether you are experiencing loss in this moment or have been holding loss in your heart, give yourself permission to pause. It's ok to take time away from usual activities. It's ok to disconnect from people or groups that you aren't comfortable with. It's ok to seek out the comfort of those who understand and offer safety and care. Take your time, allow yourself grace and be gentle with yourself. Recognize how you feel and hold that space for yourself. Recognize the love you hold for your baby and fill yourself with that love, as if you can imagine surrounding yourself and your baby with all the love within you, however grand or small. The love for your baby that you forever hold in your heart. I honor and acknowledge your baby loss experience however that looks for you. I hold space for those living with shattered hopes and unfulfilled dreams, the babies you hold in your heart, and dreams of growing your family.
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