Balancing Parenting, Love and Relationships- Reality Versus Imaginary Connection
How does porn become a problem in relationships, especially for busy parents that are struggling to balance it all?
Fantasy plays a significant role in both desire and arousal for both men and women, therefore, it can be helpful for individuals or couples to use porn to “fantasize” and “get in the mood.” However, a problem can occur when people start to believe that whatever is being depicted is the actual and/or only way specific sexual acts are supposed to be performed… This can cultivate unrealistic expectations, in which the partner relying on porn can become dissatisfied or disappointed with real sex.
What other factors play a role?
- Easy access and abundance of available material contribute to the popularity of pornography.
- Men often enjoy porn because it releases any performance anxieties. When there is an internal fear of failure to perform sexually, pornography provides an outlet for men to satisfy their sexual needs without any pressure or expectation to perform a certain way.
- Having a misunderstanding of the differences between secrecy and privacy, which can potentially blur the boundaries between the two… Our sexual energy is essentially rooted in mystery, adventure and the unknown; therefore, if we are not able to maintain a certain amount of personal intimacy (i.e. privacy), then a partner may feel the need to keep some aspects of themselves (i.e. sexual interests/expression) private (i.e. potentially via porn).
Application for Parents To Have REAL Connection:
- Remember that porn is rooted in fantasy, not realistic depictions – It’s often helpful for couples to openly communicate about their turn-ons, sexual dreams and fantasies; this helps to cultivate the erotic and lets each partner know what the other is interested in and/or looking for sexually.
- Be mindful of any performance anxieties – If a partner feels any fear or pressure in regard to sexual performance, pornography is no longer the main challenge or concern and the presenting problem will need to be addressed in a different way.
- Consult with a specialist (Sex Therapist at Infinite Intimacy) – The reality is, the relationship people develop with pornography is very nuanced and full of idiosyncrasy. It is often not something that couple’s overcome on their own because of the multifaceted nature of patterns and problems that develop around the issue. Don’t struggle silently! Our ihelpmoms.com Sex Therapist is here to help you not just survive parenting and partnership but to THRIVE! Contact Infinite Intimacy Therapy Here!
On A Mission To Make Motherhood Easier,
Michelle ihelpmoms.com CEO/Founder