3 Tips To Creating A Happy Journey In Motherhood
I had the incredible chance to sit down with our ihelpmoms.com Family Therapist Marcela Topf to discuss the top 3 things that moms can do to stop feeling overwhelmed and truly enjoy the journey of being mom. It seems like moms these days are expected to be super woman, so I wanted to discover from our therapist the secrets to being HAPPY!
1. Tell me about creating a ‘container’ (calendar/daily tasks/commitments) that is not overflowing in motherhood.
We want to have it all but sometimes we find ourselves completely overwhelmed with too much stuff on our plates. In my case, 90% of it I love, but it can still become overwhelming if I’m spread out too thin. So the container concept is to imagine your life as a container. When you say yes to one thing you need to look at what you can take off or delegate. There’s a limit to what can fit in the container at a given time. I have a tendency to say yes and then my magical thinking kicks in and I think the time will just appear because I reaaaaalllly want it ?
Before saying yes to something, decide what you will TAKE OUT of the container.
2. What is a good method or scale or feeling to discover our PRIORITIES (and understanding these can change:)
In preparation for today’s show I reached out to one of MY favorite experts Dr. Robert Love. He’s an ADHD expert, also known as the ADHD Genius. He helps families discover the gift and blessing that is ADHD. I first talked to Dr. Love a year ago and the information that he shared literally changed my life. So obviously for this conversation I wanted to get his feedback and what he had to say was genius ?
When asked how do we pick what matters he explained the 80/20 rule.
Find the 20 percent of our activity that accounts for 80 percent of my results
80% of my results are accounted for 20% of my activities.
According to Dr. Love we have to ask ourselves: What’s the critical 20% that gives me the biggest results?
Once you get clear on what are the things that impact your life that most, you need to spend more time doing that and less of the other stuff.
What are the things that have a really big impact on your life?
When I asked myself (right now) what had the biggest impact on my life, relationships & work. The answer that came back to me was my health.
This last month I realized that because of stress and all the stuff that was going on, I wasn’t eating in a way that truly supported my body, I wasn’t getting enough sleep and I stopped exercising. I felt horrible. That affected me in everything. He recommended I dedicate a month to nail down one area. He recommended I start with sleep. Creating a great sleep routine was key to my wellness. I started other things that I know help, more water, cut out sugar & I got back to my dancing. In just one week I feel like I’m almost back to ?
So I asked him: if I know these things matter, why are they the first to go on the chopping block?
His answer: because when we are stressed or tired we loose our ability to make good decisions ?
So we need to create contingency plans so that during stressful times I know what to do when it’s hard to decide ?
So simple and so important ✅
3. When it comes to filling up our container…in your professional experience how do we know what is the most helpful to fill it with? (PRIORITIZE)
We need to start with what really nourishes us. What makes us HAPPY!
Roy Assad is a high level Executive Coach and at one of his trainings I heard him say that the first thing he does when he’s planning his calendar is schedule the things that make him happy. The things he loves. Then he schedules work around it. Not the other way around. This was mind blowing. At age 40 I was getting permission to make the things that fuel my soul a priority in my busy calendar. It’s ridiculous that I needed a successful man to tell me this so that I didn’t have to feel guilt about it but I’m telling you guys the truth. I’ll be honest, I’m not where Roy is, Im working towards it though. Start small. And schedule one thing this month that makes your soul happy.
Dr. Love says it beautifully: Honor our desire to play.
He explained to me that music, time with our loved ones (that’s not doing dishes, cooking or homework), food, sex, art & spending time in nature are the things that nourish our soul.
We’ve replaced many of them with artificial means.
Tv & porn: masquerades for sex and intimacy.
Facebook: masquerades social connection.
Vídeo games: masquerades for our desire for adventure and mastery.
We need to increase high quality play in our lives.
Dr. Love recommends a Short cut: conscious eating, slowly eating our food.
Slowly eating not only improves our health, it increases our joy. Eating is one of the most enjoyable things we do as humans.
Our spices come from all around the world! Kings and queens just 200 years ago did not eat as well as we do now.
That’s something many experts recommend can have a big impact on our health and well being. Caring about what we eat and how we eat it.
I love to eat, but there are other ways that I nourish my soul. Being silly and playing with my loved ones is something that feeds my soul.
As a busy mom I always have a deck of Uno Cards, Candyland or Monopoly JR (it’s done in 10min) so I can play with my son even if we only have 5 or 10 min.
When was the last time you ever thumb wrestled your partner? ?
I teach my families to have contingency plans for playtime with their families because this is the easiest way we can replenish our love tanks. You want to have alternatives for when you have 5, 10, 15, & 20 min. Now if you can play for a whole hour with the family (and everyone is having fun) that’s like hitting the jackpot. But this has to become part of the weekly routines. I want family playtime to become the norm.
I want to close with 2 amazing takeaways for our viewers shared by Dr. Love:
- If you do the most important things, the best way you can, by default you will be massively productive.
- Take off the stress and know that my best is good enough.
Sending you all my love ❤️
About Dr. Love
Dr. Robert Love is known as the ADHD Genius, and he believes that ADHD is a gift and a blessing. Dr. Love helps children and adults with ADHD by helping them discover their Natural Genius, and then showing them how to use their Natural Genius to solve their biggest challenges in life.
For a Free Copy of Dr. Love’s book, “How to Succeed with ADHD,” send an email to DoctorRobertLove@gmail.com